A woman who is perfect for you

Q: I work hard and fight my way up in my career.

As I am the eldest child in the family, it’s my duty to help my parents support my younger siblings who are still in secondary schools.

I also want to have a comfortable life for my future wife and children. Even though I am only 25, I yearn to have a family of my own.

Playing and fooling around are all behind me. Stability is all I want now.

I already have my own condo and a stable job. All I need to make it complete is to find a suitable girl to be my wife.

A month ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of two years, mainly because we are two very different people.

She is not a careful person and that irks me. She is also forgetful. She can’t do anything right to encourage me to grow further.

Because of me she has at least changed from someone who likes to go out into someone who can do marketing, cook and look after the house.

This is important to me, as I believe the kitchen and the dining table are what hold the family together.

But then she still could not meet my expectations. She had continued to be careless, forgetful and apathetic. I scolded her sometimes, even though I regretted it afterwards.

I know I should have talked to her nicely, instead of losing my temper. But I could not control myself.

She could be very irritating. Sometimes I planned well ahead to do something or go shopping for furniture, for instance, she would forget to turn up. I was disappointed that she did not share my excitement.

She had asked for a break-up a few times before and I had declined. But this time it really is for good.

In fact, she was the one who spurred me thus far in the first place.

Now that she is gone, I keep thinking about her. I feel so lost and lonely. While I still think we are so downright incompatible, I wonder when Providence can answer my prayer indicate to me where to find the right girl.

I am not hoping for reconciliation but to find the right girl soon, so that I can be happy again. I don’t want to fall into a wrong relationship again.

Disappointed

A: You are feeling the way you do because you are going through the heartache of a broken relationship.

You still miss her, even though you know it’s for the best. You can’t help running in emotional circles, blaming yourself and blaming her. You are lonely and lost without her.

But please calm down. Give your mind a rest.

You are a young man who knows what you want. You are doing very well in your career. You have already established a good head start financially.

You only want a wife and you have a definite idea of what she should be. It’s just that your ex-girlfriend did not fit the bill.

Love, as we all must understand, can never be perfect. We humans are flawed.

Do not hope to mould someone into the woman of your dreams and needs, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship.

You might have managed to change her but you still find her lacking. She had chosen to leave probably because she realised you were never completely happy with her. She knew she was never good enough for you.

You have tried to compromise and accommodate her weaknesses but she knew she failed because she could not change some of her ways.

Give yourself a break.

You have plenty of time and opportunity to meet other women when you are more settled emotionally.

May be the woman you want has yet to be found.

But, whatever you do, remember that love needs to be nurtured by understanding and compromises.

I can safely say there must be a woman who is perfect for you but there can never be the perfect woman.

Agony Aunt
So You Think You Have Problems --- Christine Vu